Thursday, August 27, 2009

Watching

Elizabeth Gilbert on redefining our discussion of creative capacity:

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html

"Maybe nobody will ever chant God's name again, as he spins, and what is he then to do with the rest of his life? This is hard. This is one of the most painful reconciliations to make in a creative life. But maybe it doesn't have to be quite so full of anguish. If you never happened to believe in the first place that the most extraordinary aspects of your being came from you, but maybe if you just believed they were on loan to you, you know, from some unimaginable source for some exquisite portion of your life, to be passed along when you're finished, to somebody else. If we think about it this way, it starts to change everything."

Could there also be a little bit of a genie, a daemon, in such calculating gifts as spreadsheets? My husband is not a dancer or a writer, but there have really been times when I felt like his spreadsheets indicated a call to Eden like the Gardens of Versailles were meant to be. If you train and endeavor to do something with greatness, it seems like whatever it is, you can climb high enough that all the climbing and all the work you do is borrowed from God, to be returned to His glory.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

I haven't found a shirt for this yet.

Where is the crossover between being politically conservative and being a feminist?

I get so much satsifaction and growth from talking with other critically-thinking women about what it is to be a woman and to be a part of this generation. (What it is is perhaps only half of the usefulness of the conversation; the rest is what we will do with that information - what it will matter that we know what it is - but you have to know what it is to go anywhere with what to do next.) Ladies, I want to know why I can buy a shirt that says "This is what a Republican looks like," and I can buy a shirt (in a huge variety of colors and styles and with accompanying symbols) that says "This is what a feminist looks like," but the people who would wear a shirt that says "This is what a feminist Republican looks like" either aren't buying shirts or don't exist.

I tried to Google "conservative feminist" but was immediately confused by the terminology involved in most of what I found. I'm beginning to think that my feminism is actually deeply linked to my political conservativism - they're extensions of the same idea. When I try to identify which are the fundamental parts of being politically conservative for me, I point first to the importance and significance of property rights and a press that's as free as is absolutely possible; in a lot of ways, I identify as a conservative because I identify as a capitalist. And I'm a capitalist because I want, essentially, to exchange value exclusively for value. I don't want to be forced to use my income for anything except those endeavors which I think will yield value by my own measurement - I want to invest freely, and I'm willing to accept as a consequence that no one else will give me any of their income if I don't give them value in return. (This doesn't, in my opinion, preclude charity or support of the less fortunate in any way - but that's not really the point of this discussion.)

This idea, the exchange of value for value, is the same idea that motivates me as a feminist. I want to be a source of value to society (both through ideas and the generation of economic activity). I want to bring my ideas to the marketplace, and I want an opportunity to generate economic activity, and I want the value that I source to be, in fact fairly valued. I believe what I am owed is the right to an absence of preconceived notions. Take what I think and what I can do, and if it is useful, you may have it and use it if you compensate me. The market should not value what I bring on any basis except that which I am bringing - if the fact that I am a woman bringing it influences the valuation, I and my contributions are being wronged. Do not overvalue those contributions because I am a woman, nor undervalue them. Let us not even address my gender when we transact, let us be businessmen, even if what we exchange is ideas - that is still an exchange of value for value. And if we look around ourselves and see that there are women who have been wronged in the past by prejudgments such as these, or are being wronged right now, or if we identify a system which will wrong women this way in the future - by adjusting the value of their intellectual and economic contributions to reflect the fact that they are women - let us do everything we can to correct those wrongs. I do not need to be compensated for the wrongs done to other women - I need to be able to operate in a system which won't wrong me from now on. Because when I am producing for fair value, I will produce efficiently - not too much, not too little - and the entire economic system and intellectual body will benefit maximally.

Another critical element of my notion of feminism is the fact that there is a constant systematic threat of undervalue of me and my contributions, and a possibility of overcompensating in correcting for the threat, and to combat those tendencies, it's critically important that I not lose sight of the fact that I am a woman, that I not stop thinking about what that means when I bring my ideas or my abilities to produce to the marketplace, and that I engage with other thinking women about the choices we can make to ensure that our contributions are fairly valued as often as possible, and the choices we can make to build a system in which they are always fairly valued.

As I wrote this next part, I thought to myself, surely this goes without saying. But maybe not. So I'll state my assumptions: My feminism relies on the basic belief that who I am is of equal value to who I would be if I were a man, and who any hypothetical man is, such that our contributions to society can be evaluated from exactly level ground. If I am biologically different from a man - if my hippocampus is larger and if there are more connections between the right and left sides of my brain and if my levels of fetal testosterone were lower and so my body is smaller - it is not to a significant degree. Because I am human, I am enough the same as men to be treated equally.

And independent of ideas of the marketplace, how we can work together to eliminate the relational and social struggles we face because we're women - the things we'll do and tolerate that men would never do or tolerate, the apologies we urge ourselves to make, and the ideas to which we obligate ourselves to subscribe because we are women, and above all, the way all of these struggles begin when we are so very young.

This is not a complete idea, and it does not include practical application. Is it the case that I understand feminism differently than do most women? (Is there an "incorrect" way to understand feminism, and if so, is this it?) This is not my mother's feminism - this is not a feminism that requires aggression; I do not operate from an assumption that I am being attacked. (I hope I am, however, vigilant to recognizing attacks if they come.) But I can't be the first to have tried to connect these two ideas. Can we talk about this?

Sunday, April 19, 2009

The Germans call this Heimweh.

Sunset over the Great Salt Lake; Wasatch Mountains over the salt flats.

Sassy pansies

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Thinking

Caesar dressing sort of looks like it's full of confetti.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Exchange of ideas


L: Hey, did you know that people routinely use the word jealous incorrectly?
R: What do you mean, like peanut butter and jealousandwich? (uproarious laughter)
L: ... Okay, are we done with that? It wasn't that clever.
R: But no, don't you see? It was so fast. Really fast makes up for not that clever.

In honor of his well-considered policies on what's funny, an aesthetic study of the pathos of peanut butter sandwiches.

Dappled

Los Angeles, your roses in March make me forgive you a lot of things.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Impending: 6/6/09

What wedding is a wedding without craft implements made especially for the occasion?
L: To be honest, you're kind of an alien when you get stressed out.
F: (pause) I'm kind of always an alien.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Waiting and knowing

It's coming to me slowly that soon, the air will smell like grass again, the afternoon light will grow increasingly yellow and the daffodils will bloom along College Street. It will be spring, and it will be like no other New England spring I've known - a spring with no autumn to follow it. I will steal moments in hammocks and on warm benches, I will sit in the places where we can look in all directions and see only trees and old, old buildings. This spring, I will never close my eyes.

Reading

The Wine Bible (Karen MacNeil, Workman, 2001)

Thoughts so far: all adjectives used to describe wine are fundamentally not quantifiable (e.g. "hot," "languid," "supple"); the point seems to be to learn which words can't be used at the same time (e.g. "sweet" and "dry") and then pair a few that can, and try to make an argument. This strategy is not unlike participating in discussion sections without doing the reading.

Commentary

S: I hate Andy Richter.
L: Really? I think I'm at most indifferent to Andy Richter.
S: Andy Richter is the only person less funny than Jessica Alba.

Sass that never ends

L: (thoughtfully) Does it cost money to get ice in a hotel?
R: Why, do you have a business plan? Because we could make a KILLING. Say, do you think anyone's thought of charging for air, too?

From the School of Management, in the afternoon

Taken in January on a walk to retrieve a seminar paper, while looking forward to eating the friendly apple in my pocket, carried out of the dining hall for just such a moment of anticipation.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Pomposity

my Corporate Finance textbook: "In this chapter we will stick to the simplest numerical examples to make basic ideas clear. Readers with a taste for complication will find plenty to satisfy them in later chapters."

"Readers with a taste for complication" are unwelcome in my sphere of influence.

The desert in winter.



No! There's the land. (Have you seen it?)
It's the cussedest land that I know.
From the big, dizzy mountains that screen it
To the deep, deathlike valleys below
Some say God was tired when He made it;
Some say it's a fine land to shun;
Maybe; but there's some as would trade it
For no land on earth -- and I'm one.

Image: New York Times, January 7, 2009, "Surrendering to the landscape," http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/08/garden/08idaho.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=bellevue,%20idaho&st=cse
Verse: "The Spell of the Yukon," Robert Service

Monday, January 12, 2009

Hearing

Economics professor with a devastatingly realistic understanding of the culture of a 9 a.m. lecture: I post my lecture slides online. Print them and bring them to class - this means that you won't have to write furiously, and can ask questions. Or, it means you can fall asleep. So I amend myself - bring two things. Coffee, and the lecture slides.

Unpredictable

Something strange that happened recently: in my LA grocery store of choice, I was walking down the main aisle (with the checkout lines on one side and the openings to all the aisles on the other side) when I slipped on a water spill, apparently so recent that there weren't even caution signs out. I fell forward on one knee and caught myself on my hands - no blood, but certainly a bruise and a little bit of pain. It was about 5:30 on a weeknight, so it was crowded, and I saw several people look at me as I fell, but none of them paused as they walked or said anything as I got up. The people coming toward me just looked at the floor where I slipped and walked around the area. I've been having trouble deciding since then whether this is reflective of disinterest in other people - no one cared to say anything - or awkwardness about interaction with strangers - people might have said something but weren't sure what the etiquette was when I got up and was fine. Would I have stopped?

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Reading

The Republic of Pirates: Being the True and Surprising Story of the Caribbean Pirates an the Man Who Brought Them Down (Colin Woodard, Harcourt, 2007)

Conclusions so far: seventeenth/eighteenth century Europe was good to very few people.
The fountains aren't on in January. But do you know what is on in January? The WARM. They keep that on in LA all winter long.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Neo in the afternoon

He is categorically disinterested in everything. I enjoy making guesses at what his nationality would be if he could speak. Much of the time, I think he is a variety of eastern European - blase and comfortably adjusted to his hopelessness. Also, in Los Angeles, January is the time when leaves begin to turn yellow and fall from the trees.